Thoughts From A Second-Time New Mom

New mommyhood.  That fog in which many of us find ourselves.  Diapers, sleep (the baby, not you), spit-up, blowouts, tiny clothes that need washing, smiles, crying, gas, more crying...

Funky smells, engorgement and/or bottle sterilizing, sleepless nights, 3 am articles about SIDS, hair loss...

It's a magical time.

One, that oddly enough, even as a mother of two (woah!)...

I'm almost doing for the first time.  "What?", you say?  I'll explain.

When we had Aidan, I was working as a Kindergarten teacher in the US.  I was employed full-time for most of my pregnancy and birth, but was only employed part-time at the time of getting pregnant.  This meant that I was not eligible for any kind of paid maternity leave.  Legally I was allowed 6 weeks of unpaid leave.  Which is what I had.  It absolutely broke my heart the first day back at work, when Dan took our teeny tiny baby to the babysitter (an amazing mama from our church, who watched him Tuesday-Friday, for about 8-9 hours/day).  Although I was thankful for a job (without which we wouldn't have been able to live), and for someone who loved my baby enough to watch him, it was not easy.

Every day, when Aidan came home, he smelled like the babysitter's house (which was actually a wonderful essential oil smell, but still), not our home.  I think that is the most tangible image of what I felt.  My baby didn't even smell like he lived with me.  My husband actually spent more waking hours with him than I did - he had Mondays off.  I pumped at work twice a day, because I was determined to breastfeed.  When he came home, around 5, he basically cluster-fed until bedtime.  He was/is an AMAZING sleeper, so then he would sleep from about 8:00-6:30.  Then, I nursed him, got him and I both ready, and Dan would take him to the babysitter again.  Every day.

Whenever I decided to sit down and do the math, about how many hours a day I actually spent with him... I just couldn't do it.  I stopped myself before I actually got to the answer.  Even now, I'm getting emotional.  But we did what we had to do.

When he turned one, he started going to the preschool at my school.  That was a little better - because of less of a commute, I got probably an extra hour a day with him.  I could also check in on him throughout the day, if I needed.

Then, when he turned 2, our lives took a drastic turn, we were commissioned to be missionaries.  All of a sudden, I became a stay-at-home-mom to a toddler.  It was a huge shock to the system.  The first few weeks were heaven!  After that, I started to realize more and more what the positives of being a working mom were.

I had a professional life, people actually cared about what I had to say.  Adult conversations.  Feeling fulfilled on a non-mommy level.  Feeling like I'd accomplished things in my day.  "New" experiences every day.  Putting on real clothes (don't laugh, it's true!).  Getting a "break".  Not having to change all the diapers in the world.

Thankfully, Aidan was already 2, so he was active enough, and fun enough to do things with.  We were a one-car family, and Dan traveled a lot, so I did have to get creative about how to keep his busy self occupied, but overall it was a good experience.  We had fun, I felt like I got to really know him, and we adjusted.

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And now here we are.  I'm now (as of 8 weeks ago), a stay-at-home-mom to a newborn.  This is new territory for me.  It feels so strange to say that, but it really is true.  I'm so blessed to have a job where I can be involved in ministry, and still be a SAHM, I am so thankful for that!  But this is nearly all new to me.

For example - going out with her TERRIFIES me!  I'm getting together with a friend tomorrow morning, and it'll be our first real outing just the two of us - by ourselves, riding the bus, going into the center of town.  AAAHHHH!

Also, how do I fill my days?  We live according to her schedule, so I'm not actually in "want" of things to do, but what do I do with her when she's awake?  How do I stimulate her growing mind?  How do I break up the mundane, never-ending slew of laundry?  What do I do when she won't stop crying?  (By the way, the answer is nurse her.  Always nurse her.)

Thankfully, the culture here in Slovenia is very mommy-friendly.  I have mommy friends to go on walks with, get coffee with, or who come over.  But it can also be very lonely, and all-consuming.  I often crave a professional conversation, where my education is of use to me.  I nurse on demand, so I'm very "tethered" to the baby.  She's not always a happy baby, and needs lots of holding.  Or baby wearing.  I love the cuddles, and closeness... but I also love hot coffee, and lunch.  And sleep.

Basically, my rambling doesn't have much of a point, or conclusion, except to say that mommyhood is a complete devotion of self; whether you are a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, work-from-home mom or any combination of those.

There are positives and negatives to each situation.  In my experience, both are hard, but in very different ways.  For me though, the ability to stay home with Jocelyn is priceless.  I am beyond thankful for our current situation, and ability to mother they way I'd like.  

I am so thankful that Aidan was such an easygoing baby, and that he loves and adores me.  Even with his first year the way that it was, he has always loved me (a very real mama-fear), he is healthy and happy, and now that he is 4 and back in school (Slovenian kindergarten), he loves it, and is excited to go every day!

In the afternoons, when I get to have both of them with me, and we're having a snack, playing or watching TV, I'm so thankful that I don't have to do lesson planning, or prep for a parent-teacher conference.  But I do kind of pine for a lunch break, donuts on Friday, morning chats with coworkers and looking professional.

So if I seem very "new mother-y", please understand.  

I kind of am.

Preschool Boy Back-to-School Capsule Wardrobe

Capsule wardrobes.  The phenomenon that has hijacked my Pinterest feed.  If you are unfamiliar with the concept, a capsule wardrobe is a wardrobe that has fewer elements, however they all are interchangeable, and therefore offer just as many - and often more - outfit options than the average wardrobe.  Capsule wardrobes take more planning, and purposeful purchasing.  They are also seasonal.  Back-to-school is a great time to start a capsule wardrobe, as many parents buy their children a larger amount of clothes, and you want them to last as long as possible and keep the outfits as interesting as possible.  Another characteristic of capsule wardrobes is that there aren't many "trendy" pieces, or pieces with motifs.  With kids and their interests, that can be a little harder, but I think it's doable.  With kids growing as fast as they are, I think capsule wardrobes are a great way to go for people who want their kids to get the most out of their clothes, without spending a fortune.

Here are some basic tips when choosing pieces:

- Stick with only a handful of colors.  Neutrals and blues go with an array of colors.  So for Aidan's wardrobe we went with gray, blue, white, black, dark red/burgundy and mustard yellow.  

- For non-neutral colors, choose ones that go with the season - we chose the dark red/burgundy and yellow mainly because they also work for Thanksgiving and the Christmas season.  

- For accent colors, if you like the "color of the season" (this year it's totally yellow, other years it's been purple, guava, etc.), go with that one, because it's easier to find complimenting colors in different stores.

- If your family tends to dress in certain colors, choose colors that go with what you already have.  We wear a lot of grays and blues, so most things we choose naturally fall into that category.

- I don't love graphic tees, or clothes with cartoon characters on them.  However, I also understand how much kids LOVE these.  So, I try to find pieces that are either subtle, or maybe look a little vintage.  Hence the hoodie with dinosaurs on it, and the admittedly very cool Batman shirt.

- Layers.  Layers offer more options, and they're perfect for Fall/Winter.

Here are the main pieces of Aidan's capsule wardrobe:

Basic pieces:

- 3 pairs of trousers/jeans (a dark denim, a light denim, and a seasonal color.  We went with mustard yellow.)

- 2 pairs of sweatpants (dark blue and gray)

- 2 dress shirts

- 3-4 long-sleeve T-shirts

- 3 sweatshirts

- 1-2 sweaters (I suggest one light weight and a thicker one)

- 5-6 T-shirts (don't go crazy on patterns)

not pictured:

- 2 pairs of long-johns

- 2 pairs of shoes (maybe one more dress pair, depending on your needs.  But honestly nice, clean chucks can be great for dressing up - they're kids, after all.)

Now, I'm not gonna lie, we do have a few "outlying" shirts, and a couple more pairs of pants, but honestly, this is what Aidan wears week after week.  The long-johns not only are of course great for keeping warm; since we've had Jocelyn (5 weeks), we've been having Aidan change out of his school clothes, and into a pair of (super soft and comfy) long-johns, and a cotton T-shirt.  Score!

Here are a couple of pictures showing how you can mix and match the clothes shown above:

There are many many more options, but that's just to give you an idea.  

Reasons I love Aidan's capsule wardrobe:

- I don't have to think too hard about what to put him in - it all pretty much goes.

- It's nice for anytime we take a picture, because he always looks pulled-together.

- Even when I ask Aidan to get his own clothes, there's a pretty good chance it'll look nice, lol!

- It's really easy to see if he needs anything, and then whenever I buy him something new, I'm not just buying stuff to buy stuff.  I have a pretty clear picture of what to get.

Here are the stores we bought Aidan's clothes at:

H&M - it's my go-to for the basics (t-shirts, underwear, long-johns - oftentimes in awesome packs).  The quality can be lacking, but you can't beat the price.

Okaidi - is a new store I found this year, it's where I got the mustard pants and dress shirts.  I really like the quality, and they have good sales.

Gap - I like Gap's version of graphic tees, and it's where we found the Batman shirt.

Name It - This brand is a little more expensive, but there's a store here that has good sales on it, and we really love the sweatshirt and sweatpants set we bought.  Really comfy and well-made!

Capsule wardrobes can be a great way to organize, even downsize and stay minimalistic.  I hope this helps.  Happy shopping!

5 Tips For Outdoor Newborn Photo Shoot

Hello, world!  About 4 weeks ago we welcomed the newest member of our family!  We had our newborn pictures scheduled for two weeks after that, and here are my tips for surviving an outdoor newborn photo shoot!

1. Be Flexible

Our peanut came a week late.  This put a bit of a damper on things, as the weather was getting colder, especially the week we ended up taking pictures.  I had originally planned warmer-weather outfits, or on changing mid-way, and then I realized that was kind of crazy with a newborn and 4-year-old in a public park...
So, we decided to stick with one outfit, and I'm SO thankful that we did!  Here's a bonus tip - if you do want a slightly different look, you can layer, and remove one layer for some photos - like I did with my sweater. :) 

2. Moderate Props

In the age of Pinterest and elaborate, 3-hour-long newborn shoots, it's easy to get caught up in all the props.  Those are a very specific type of photo shoot, and if it's what you want, you should absolutely go for it! However if you're doing a more simple look, or more overall family photos like we did, props can make the pictures too "busy", and take away from the beauty of your sweet baby's features.  Also, in our case, the more props, the more things we would've had to carry through the park.  The props we decided to use was a wooden children's rocking chair - mainly so we could get pictures of our son holding his sister, a basket - so we could get some pictures of her alone, an embroidery hoop with her name on it, and a couple blankets.

3. Try To Take It Easy
With a newborn (who needed a nursing break) and a rambunctious 4-year-old boy, I had to remind myself to take it easy, and go with the flow.  Now, I'm not gonna lie, I did get onto my son to smile nicely, and not be so goofy, but some of the cutest pictures are of him doing exactly that.  Being a 4-year-old.  And I realized when looking at them, that he's only gonna be this goofy adorable age once, and why not have photographic evidence of it? (Also, the superhero pose one is one of my favorites!  Such a boy thing!)

4. Getting "That" Shot
There were a few pictures I knew I wanted.  Aidan has been hands-down the sweetest and most caring big brother, so I knew I wanted a few of just the two of them.  The "Secret Garden"-y one is just gorgeous.  It's even more beautiful than I could've planned!
I also knew I wanted one of me with both of them, and I love the one we got!  I wanted a "Daddy's Girl" one (it's breathtaking), I wanted a 3-generations one with my mom, and I wanted a traditional one that we've been doing with Aidan every year, of him standing between us.  If there are specific things you want, make sure you communicate them with your photographer - their aim is to make you happy, and they will do whatever they can to make it happen!

5. If You Can, Get Some Help
We are very lucky to have had my mom come and help us when Jocelyn was born.  I understand that isn't always an option.  But if you can, it's really helpful to have an extra pair of adult hands to either hold the baby, so you can get those special one-on-one pictures with the older sibling, and someone to entertain the older kiddo (by climbing a tree, in our case) so you can get those precious newborn-with-parents pictures.

And there are my 5 tips for an outdoor newborn photo shoot! Here are a couple extra, quick bonus tips:

- Pick somewhere quiet - less distractions for little one.

- Pick a pretty blanket/swaddle to wrap baby in, since newborns can get "swallowed" by clothes (do make sure whatever they're wearing underneath goes with the pictures, because the blanket will shift).

- Bring a pacifier, let fussy baby suck on it, have the photographer tell you right before they're gonna take the picture, pop the paci out, and hide it in the blanket you brought! :)

- No matter the type of pictures, I suggest taking a blanket to sit on, because realistically no one wants to get their bottoms dirty.

Also, our AMAZING photographers were Andraž and Neža with Happy Moments Photography.  If you ever find yourself in Slovenia, and in need of photos, they are definitely who you want!
I found the adorable headband at Lilies London on Etsy, and the blanket at Molly and Averie, also on Etsy.

Let me know if you have any extra tips you'd share!  I'd love to hear from you!