Just A Mom

Never have I felt more like "just a mom" than this year.

With the lockdowns, and distance learning, no eating out, no playdates, and no going anywhere - it has just been a lot of mundane, and a lot of simply surviving.

I was feeling reflective, and looked back on some of the things I'd written about motherhood in the past, and came across another time I'd felt like "just a mom", and what I had written 5 years ago still rang true, so I thought I would share these thoughts with you in case you needed to read them, too.

Being a mom - especially a mom during a global pandemic - can feel like an invisible and thankless job. It can be hard to feel like others can relate to us, and so many things that are out there as resources for people don't apply to us. Sometimes, it can feel like that with the Bible too. It's full of prophets, kings, a queen or two, male disciples, soldiers... you get the picture. Most of the people we read about are men, and even when it IS a woman, her motherhood - or at least the minutia of her motherhood - isn't mentioned.

Or is it?

Today I want to tell you about 5 "invisible" moms in the Bible.  Some of them you've maybe thought of, others you probably haven't.  But, in each case, they were "simply" doing the mundane, everyday mom-duties. 

1. Making Meals - The Mom of the Boy With 2 Fish and 5 Loaves of Bread

You may be familiar with the story. It's in John 6.  Jesus is preaching to a multitude when the day gets long, and he tells the disciples to find the people something to eat.  Andrew, one of the disciples, tells Jesus there's this boy with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread, which is obviously not enough for 5000+ people.  But Jesus blesses the food, and performs a miracle, where there is enough food for everyone, with 12 baskets to spare.

But, do you know why this miracle was even possible?  Because a mama packed her boy a lunch.  Due to her everyday act of love, Jesus was able to feed the multitude.  Sure, I assume had she not packed him a lunch, Jesus would've found another way - but he didn't.  Jesus used something that so many of us do day-in and day-out - feed our children; and showed it to be so much more.

From the moment we find out our babies are on their way, we worry about what is going into their body.  We take prenatal vitamins and try to eat right while we're pregnant.  We breastfeed, or try to find the very best formula money can buy.  As a working mom, I spent my lunch break, and resource break every day for a year holed up in a storage room, pumping that liquid gold.  Once my son moved on to solids, and went to preschool, he was fed a school lunch.  But yet, I got up every morning to make him a fresh fruit salad, so that incase he didn't like it, at least he had something good and nutritious to eat.  I make my kids "fancy snack". I try to make sure every meal they eat has each food group represented.  I get the cheese my daughter likes, and the veggies my son likes. We go to the "other" grocery store to get the yogurt they like. We do these things to keep them sustained, sure.  But it's more than that.  It's how we show our children that we love and care for them.

  

It feels like a basic thing, but Jesus took something so simple, and created a miracle from it. It matters to God - more than we know!

2. Laundry - Hannah, Samuel's Mother

I really love Hannah, and have written about her in the past.  But as I was revisiting her story this verse stood out to me: 1 Samuel 2:18 "In the midst of all this, Samuel, a boy dressed in a priestly linen tunic, served God. Additionally, every year his mother would make him a little robe cut to his size and bring it to him when she and her husband came for the annual sacrifice."

I had never really noticed this before.  I don't recall anywhere else in the Bible where someone sewing a robe made the final cut.  And yet here it is, and it's important enough to be mentioned as part of what molded his character.  In case you are not familiar, in 1 Samuel 1 Hannah is praying and crying in the Tabernacle for God to give her a baby.  She promises to give him to the Lord in return.  Eli the priest finds her, and initially thinks she's drunk, but then realizes what is going on, and tells her God has heard her prayer.  Hannah does in fact become pregnant, nurses and then weans her son (there's the feeding element is again, btw), and then brings him to the tabernacle.  She kept her promise, even though I'm sure it broke her heart.  And although she didn't see him every day, when she came to visit, she always brought him a robe "cut to his size". This indicates precision and forethought.  The wording is so precious.  Clothes and laundry.  Just another thing we moms do, in what seems like a never-ending cycle.  And yet, this act of nurturing was important enough to make it into God's word.  And, by the way, do you know what happened to Hannah in return?  God blessed she and her husband with more children.  Not that they could ever take Samuel's place.  But what a comfort it must've been to not find her arms empty again.  

3. Keeping the Tiny Humans Alive - Jochebed, Moses' Mother

Have you seen those mugs that say, "Today's To Do List: Keep the Tiny Humans Alive"?  I think it's hilarious, because I feel like I'm always saving my kids from themselves.  That's why people child-proof! When they bump their heads, we call the doctor.  When they are determined to jump off the furniture, we explain to them why that's NOT a great idea.  Or at least put a pillow in the landing zone. 

Well, Jochebed had to ACTUALLY keep her tiny human alive.  The Pharaoh was feeling threatened by the Jews, so he had all the baby boys killed (Exodus 1:22).  First she hid him, for 3 months!  (Imagine if he was colicky!) Then, she created an ingenious, waterproof basket, and placed him in the Nile. How her heart must've ached!  But Pharaoh's daughter found him, Moses' sister suggested a wet nurse she knew (their mother), and so Jochebed got to keep her son a little while longer.  Although not portrayed this way in stories like the Prince of Egypt, the language in the Bible suggests that Moses knew who she was, and kept in touch with his biological family - because his clever and loving mama wouldn't give up.

4. Hopes and Dreams - Bathsheba, Solomon's Mother

I've always had a soft spot for Bathsheba.  Yes, she and David had an affair, but I feel like, in that day and age, if the king decides he's going to sleep with you, and your husband is out of town and isn't there to kick his butt, there isn't much room to say no.  Anyway, they have an affair which results in a baby, who sadly dies. (2 Samuel 11-12) Later, David and Bathsheba have another baby - Solomon.  As David is getting old, one of his other sons, Adonijah crowns himself king without his father's blessing or anointing.  Nathan the prophet convinces Bathsheba to go to David, and remind him of his promise to have Solomon as his successor.  So Bathsheba goes before David to plead her son's case. In the end David names Solomon his heir, and Nathan anoints him.  

Somehow, I missed this part of the story, until working on this piece.  It wasn't like nowadays, where you have a family meeting.  Remember how risky it was for Esther to go before the king?  Judging by the tone in this passage (1 King 1), it would seem that we are dealing with a very similar situation.  So, Bathsheba risked it all to make sure that her son got what was rightfully his, and God's plan for his life. 

How many times as mamas do we set our own needs or comforts aside for our kids' dreams?  The countless hours sitting at practice, or late nights studying for tests?  Or pursuing recommendations, proof-reading essays?  

Moms have been doing it since the beginning of time.  And God thought it was important enough to highlight in the story of Bathsheba fighting for her son.

5. Patience and Active Parenting - Mary, Jesus' Mother

Okay, so this mama is definitely not invisible.  But today I want to focus on her parenting, specifically.  Remember the story, of when young Jesus stays behind in Jerusalem, and his parents don't know where he is?  When they finally find him, this is what goes down: (Luke 2:48) "And his mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress.” And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?” And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart."

I always loved that last sentence, it's very poetic.  First off, I'm impressed that it says that she "said" to him.  Had it been me, it would've said she "screeched" at him.  That's the patient part.  So, this is the correction portion.  She doesn't just say, "Oh yay, we found you!"  No, she tells him that he caused his parents great distress.  Jesus responds (which I used to take as Jesus talking back, but I don't think that was the case) saying he was in his Father's house.  They take him home, and it says he was "submissive" to them.  I mean, yeah, he was Jesus, but still.  I think that part is important.  

He was obedient to them, which implies there was something to be obedient ABOUT.  This means there were rules and expectations in their household.  This shows active parenting and involvement on Mary's part. And then that last sentence: his mother treasured up all these things in her heart. This shows that her heart was tuned towards him, which I love.

So, sweet mama plugging through your everyday routine, thinking it doesn't matter, no one cares or notices.  Stories like these in the Bible are made possible because of mothers just like you.  Because of mothers' daily devotion and sacrifice.

So keep on keeping on.  God is noticing, and it matters to Him.  In each of these stories, the common denominator, is that God didn't forget about these mothers, and He hasn't forgotten about you, either.  So, happy Mother's Day! Especially on those days you feel like "just a mom", because every little thing you do matters. To those tiny humans surrounding you, and also to God.

How Living Cross-Culturally Made Me A Better Mom

I feel like it's important to be vulnerable - it allows us to grow, and hopefully help others in their growing process, too.  

So, here goes:

One of the hardest things about being a missionary is the itineration portion.  For us, that means going back to the States every few years, to travel to churches, telling them what we do, or what we have been doing, in the hopes that they will partner with us in prayer and financial support.

3 years ago when we were doing this, it was our first time "heading out".  Pastors didn't know us yet, we didn't have an established ministry in Slovenia we were going to - all we had was ourselves, and our testimony.

Every Sunday (and most Wednesdays) we met new people, told them about ourselves, and hoped they liked us.  That seems very basic, but it's true.  If people/churches/pastors like you, they are more likely to support you.  You have to be "on" the entire time.  You have to be chatty, engaging, and most importantly...

your children need to be well-behaved.

Can you imagine (totally hypothetically, of course), if a pastor took out two families with kids to lunch - the kids in one family are polite, talkative, cute and eat all their lunch.  The kids in the other family are tired, grumpy, shy and only want to eat goldfish.  Let's say this pastor now has to choose one family to financially support... you get the picture.

That is a LOT of pressure to put on small children - and their mom. Because it's usually mom who has to corral kids, encourage them to take one more bite, greet the pastor, and smile at all the strangers.  

And when it comes down to it, whether or not someone "connects" with you, makes or breaks your ability to get to the field - oof.

This causes stress.  HUGE amounts of stress.  You're constantly trying to make sure your poor little 2-year-old remembers to say thank you, doesn't hit the pastor's kid in the nursery, is polite and courteous, while also trying to protect them if they are feeling shy and timid.

When we got to Slovenia, it had been nearly 2 years of parenting in a fish bowl.  It left me tired, stressed and overwhelmed.

On top of that, we were dealing with a situation that was completely out of our control, that was causing great anxiety.  Added to all of that was a very angry 3-year-old, and potty training regression.  For the first couple months in Slovenia, Aidan was just very angry about all the change and newness.  He had always been very verbal, and was struggling with the fact that no one understood him.  I was on edge, worried about how we would be received, his inability to communicate, and his overall behavior.  He was doing okay at school, but his teachers said that every time he got upset, he would simply scream.  He wasn't being very nice to the kids at church, and I was frustrated on every level I could think of.  I was very impatient.  I was a mess.

There was an incident at church, where I came across as overly concerned with his behavior, to which someone said - "it's okay, they're just kids.  We all understand."  And that awakened a change in me.

Slovenes parent differently.  No parenting method is perfect, but I have adopted a few new habits that have been very healthy for our family, and I'd like to share them with you.

1. Kids are kids

No one that I've met here expects children to act any way, except how children behave - loud, goofy, energetic, etc.  No one is phased by crying in church, or a toddler having a "moment".  I've never seen a parent give another parent side-eye.  If two kids get into it, there is a general understanding that they will work it out.  There never seems to be ill-will between the parents.  It is understood that parents cannot control every little thing kids do. 

2. Let Them Do It For Themselves

We "got in trouble" with Aidan's preschool teachers, because we had been doing too many things for him.  I realized that it was my way of controlling a situation.  Making sure he always looked just so, or getting out of the house quickly.  Slovene parents are encouraged to take a step back, and let their children figure it out and be independent.  Oftentimes you'll see kids walking way out ahead of their parents.  Coming from the land of "hold my hand or else you never know what might happen", this was a huge shock - and a release.

3. "Village" Mentality

Everyone looks out for each other's kids.  

4. Some Things You Just Have To Let Go Of

I feel like Slovene parents in general are good at learning to choose their battles.  This was an important lesson for me.  I cannot get bogged down on every little thing - it is stealing my joy.

So.  I have slowly, over the past year come more to terms with the fact that some behavior isn't bad - it's just being a kid.  And that is okay.  We still address behavior that is disrespectful or dangerous of course, but try to be more understanding and lenient if it's just rowdy or noisy.  He adores his kindergarten! According to his teachers, he is now practically fluent in Slovene.  He has many friends, and hates missing a day.  He also loves church and his friends there.

I have been hearing and reading a lot about being a non-anxious presence.  Before, I was not that.  I was NOT teaching Aidan healthy coping skills by getting angry quickly, and then frustrated when he did the same.  I am SOOOO much more patient than I was!  It's a marked difference.  I am learning to let things go, not be such a perfectionist, and answer from a place of understanding and love.

Aidan can tell the difference, too.  When he makes a mess, knocks things over, or spills something, he looks at my face to see my reaction.  When he sees that I'm still calm, or hears me say, "that's okay, accidents happen", it immediately alleviates his stress too, and he's able to move forward. 

I am sorry for the times that that hasn't been my response.  I am thankful that he and I are in a much healthier place.  There is more joy in our home, tempers don't run high, and there is understanding.

With the birth of our daughter, thankfully this has only grown.  I'm not sure how, but somehow I've had more patience since she was born.  Maybe I'm learning that some things I thought were important weren't really that important after all.  I think I'm learning to let things go.

So, this is a very long post, with not much except a personal journey, but it's been an important one.

I am endlessly thankful for the reset button I found, and the child-friendly culture we live in.

Thoughts From A Second-Time New Mom

New mommyhood.  That fog in which many of us find ourselves.  Diapers, sleep (the baby, not you), spit-up, blowouts, tiny clothes that need washing, smiles, crying, gas, more crying...

Funky smells, engorgement and/or bottle sterilizing, sleepless nights, 3 am articles about SIDS, hair loss...

It's a magical time.

One, that oddly enough, even as a mother of two (woah!)...

I'm almost doing for the first time.  "What?", you say?  I'll explain.

When we had Aidan, I was working as a Kindergarten teacher in the US.  I was employed full-time for most of my pregnancy and birth, but was only employed part-time at the time of getting pregnant.  This meant that I was not eligible for any kind of paid maternity leave.  Legally I was allowed 6 weeks of unpaid leave.  Which is what I had.  It absolutely broke my heart the first day back at work, when Dan took our teeny tiny baby to the babysitter (an amazing mama from our church, who watched him Tuesday-Friday, for about 8-9 hours/day).  Although I was thankful for a job (without which we wouldn't have been able to live), and for someone who loved my baby enough to watch him, it was not easy.

Every day, when Aidan came home, he smelled like the babysitter's house (which was actually a wonderful essential oil smell, but still), not our home.  I think that is the most tangible image of what I felt.  My baby didn't even smell like he lived with me.  My husband actually spent more waking hours with him than I did - he had Mondays off.  I pumped at work twice a day, because I was determined to breastfeed.  When he came home, around 5, he basically cluster-fed until bedtime.  He was/is an AMAZING sleeper, so then he would sleep from about 8:00-6:30.  Then, I nursed him, got him and I both ready, and Dan would take him to the babysitter again.  Every day.

Whenever I decided to sit down and do the math, about how many hours a day I actually spent with him... I just couldn't do it.  I stopped myself before I actually got to the answer.  Even now, I'm getting emotional.  But we did what we had to do.

When he turned one, he started going to the preschool at my school.  That was a little better - because of less of a commute, I got probably an extra hour a day with him.  I could also check in on him throughout the day, if I needed.

Then, when he turned 2, our lives took a drastic turn, we were commissioned to be missionaries.  All of a sudden, I became a stay-at-home-mom to a toddler.  It was a huge shock to the system.  The first few weeks were heaven!  After that, I started to realize more and more what the positives of being a working mom were.

I had a professional life, people actually cared about what I had to say.  Adult conversations.  Feeling fulfilled on a non-mommy level.  Feeling like I'd accomplished things in my day.  "New" experiences every day.  Putting on real clothes (don't laugh, it's true!).  Getting a "break".  Not having to change all the diapers in the world.

Thankfully, Aidan was already 2, so he was active enough, and fun enough to do things with.  We were a one-car family, and Dan traveled a lot, so I did have to get creative about how to keep his busy self occupied, but overall it was a good experience.  We had fun, I felt like I got to really know him, and we adjusted.

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.

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And now here we are.  I'm now (as of 8 weeks ago), a stay-at-home-mom to a newborn.  This is new territory for me.  It feels so strange to say that, but it really is true.  I'm so blessed to have a job where I can be involved in ministry, and still be a SAHM, I am so thankful for that!  But this is nearly all new to me.

For example - going out with her TERRIFIES me!  I'm getting together with a friend tomorrow morning, and it'll be our first real outing just the two of us - by ourselves, riding the bus, going into the center of town.  AAAHHHH!

Also, how do I fill my days?  We live according to her schedule, so I'm not actually in "want" of things to do, but what do I do with her when she's awake?  How do I stimulate her growing mind?  How do I break up the mundane, never-ending slew of laundry?  What do I do when she won't stop crying?  (By the way, the answer is nurse her.  Always nurse her.)

Thankfully, the culture here in Slovenia is very mommy-friendly.  I have mommy friends to go on walks with, get coffee with, or who come over.  But it can also be very lonely, and all-consuming.  I often crave a professional conversation, where my education is of use to me.  I nurse on demand, so I'm very "tethered" to the baby.  She's not always a happy baby, and needs lots of holding.  Or baby wearing.  I love the cuddles, and closeness... but I also love hot coffee, and lunch.  And sleep.

Basically, my rambling doesn't have much of a point, or conclusion, except to say that mommyhood is a complete devotion of self; whether you are a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, work-from-home mom or any combination of those.

There are positives and negatives to each situation.  In my experience, both are hard, but in very different ways.  For me though, the ability to stay home with Jocelyn is priceless.  I am beyond thankful for our current situation, and ability to mother they way I'd like.  

I am so thankful that Aidan was such an easygoing baby, and that he loves and adores me.  Even with his first year the way that it was, he has always loved me (a very real mama-fear), he is healthy and happy, and now that he is 4 and back in school (Slovenian kindergarten), he loves it, and is excited to go every day!

In the afternoons, when I get to have both of them with me, and we're having a snack, playing or watching TV, I'm so thankful that I don't have to do lesson planning, or prep for a parent-teacher conference.  But I do kind of pine for a lunch break, donuts on Friday, morning chats with coworkers and looking professional.

So if I seem very "new mother-y", please understand.  

I kind of am.

Does God Really Want You To Win... Or Learn?

I have recently started Bible Journaling, and as I was searching for some ideas and inspiration on pinterest, I came across one that said "God Wants You To Win!"  And it got me thinking.  This person was more than likely dealing with something specific, and could have ABSOLUTELY gotten confirmation from God that He would help them be victorious.

But.  Does God really always want us to win?

God speaks to me through mommy-moments, and yesterday my friend and I took Aidan to the park to play.  Now, I neither hover (usually Dan has that covered), nor do I ignore Aidan at the playground.  I sit at a distance where I can see him, and he can see me.  If he were to need my help, I can be there fast enough, but I feel like I've given him enough space to spread his wings.  I don't help him get up to places he couldn't get down from on his own - I want to see what he can learn without my intervention.

Today, he was climbing up a knobby thing to get to the slide.  It was new, and it was a little big, but he was doing a great job.  All of a sudden his foot slipped, and slid down a couple knobs.  He looked at me, a little worried, and I told him "you're doing great!  Try again, you can do it!"  He looked determined, and put his foot back up, found a secure-feeling spot, and pulled himself up.  When he got to the top, he said, "I did it!"  And of course, being his cheerleader, I told him how proud I was of him trying so hard.

So.  Did he win?  Eventually yes.

Would it have helped him for me to intervene when it got hard?  No.  Because the next time he would try to climb up it, he would think he needed my help, and wouldn't try as hard.

By letting him fail, I was allowing him to learn.

Could it be that sometimes when we face difficult times, it's because God is teaching us something we will need later down the road?  If God "lets us win" (like when we play games with kids) all the time, we aren't learning vital skills.

Does God want us to be victorious?  Yes.  But it's not that easy.  We become victorious when we trust God that he has our best interest in mind.  Not when we are always "winning".

So, if you are in the middle of the battle, and you're wondering where God is: He is watching you, He hasn't taken his eyes off you, and He is saying, "I'm right here, you can do it!  Try again."  Because the battle has already been won - therein lies our victory.

Welcome to My Latest Adventure: Bible Journaling

I had seen a couple of my Facebook friends post their beautiful doodles and paintings in their Bibles, "Bible Journaling" seemed to be popping up in my Facebook newsfeed more and more, so when my mommy asked me what I wanted for my birthday, without hesitation, I asked for a journaling Bible!  It's basically a Bible with margins for note-taking, doodling, and whatever form of worship you feel led to do!

 I asked for this one, and let me tell you, it is BEAUTIFUL!!!

It has been an amazing expression of the creativeness I honestly believe God placed in me.  It is a true form of worship, and I have never been so excited to get into God's word!  It is also therapeutic and relaxing, which I really think is one of the things God intended the Bible to be for.  It has also helped me "meditate" on the word, as I am repeating the verse(s) over and over again as I'm rewriting them.

So, I just wanted to share a few of my ventures so far.

My first attempt

Be still.

My favorite story in the Bible.

Love the feathers.

BUT IF NOT

Polka dots.

All I need is a little bit of coffee, and a whole lot of Jesus.

IF

I really like this one.  This was a particularly blissful Saturday morning.

Valentine's Day

This is my favorite.  First attempt at watercolor paints.

Can you tell what was on my mind...???

My verse for this year.

Some of them are original ideas, some are my own adaptations of things I've seen, and a couple are straight up copies.

Let me know what you think, later on I may even do a tutorial.  Right now I'm still figuring things out, but I hope you enjoy the ride!