Just A Mom

Never have I felt more like "just a mom" than this year.

With the lockdowns, and distance learning, no eating out, no playdates, and no going anywhere - it has just been a lot of mundane, and a lot of simply surviving.

I was feeling reflective, and looked back on some of the things I'd written about motherhood in the past, and came across another time I'd felt like "just a mom", and what I had written 5 years ago still rang true, so I thought I would share these thoughts with you in case you needed to read them, too.

Being a mom - especially a mom during a global pandemic - can feel like an invisible and thankless job. It can be hard to feel like others can relate to us, and so many things that are out there as resources for people don't apply to us. Sometimes, it can feel like that with the Bible too. It's full of prophets, kings, a queen or two, male disciples, soldiers... you get the picture. Most of the people we read about are men, and even when it IS a woman, her motherhood - or at least the minutia of her motherhood - isn't mentioned.

Or is it?

Today I want to tell you about 5 "invisible" moms in the Bible.  Some of them you've maybe thought of, others you probably haven't.  But, in each case, they were "simply" doing the mundane, everyday mom-duties. 

1. Making Meals - The Mom of the Boy With 2 Fish and 5 Loaves of Bread

You may be familiar with the story. It's in John 6.  Jesus is preaching to a multitude when the day gets long, and he tells the disciples to find the people something to eat.  Andrew, one of the disciples, tells Jesus there's this boy with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread, which is obviously not enough for 5000+ people.  But Jesus blesses the food, and performs a miracle, where there is enough food for everyone, with 12 baskets to spare.

But, do you know why this miracle was even possible?  Because a mama packed her boy a lunch.  Due to her everyday act of love, Jesus was able to feed the multitude.  Sure, I assume had she not packed him a lunch, Jesus would've found another way - but he didn't.  Jesus used something that so many of us do day-in and day-out - feed our children; and showed it to be so much more.

From the moment we find out our babies are on their way, we worry about what is going into their body.  We take prenatal vitamins and try to eat right while we're pregnant.  We breastfeed, or try to find the very best formula money can buy.  As a working mom, I spent my lunch break, and resource break every day for a year holed up in a storage room, pumping that liquid gold.  Once my son moved on to solids, and went to preschool, he was fed a school lunch.  But yet, I got up every morning to make him a fresh fruit salad, so that incase he didn't like it, at least he had something good and nutritious to eat.  I make my kids "fancy snack". I try to make sure every meal they eat has each food group represented.  I get the cheese my daughter likes, and the veggies my son likes. We go to the "other" grocery store to get the yogurt they like. We do these things to keep them sustained, sure.  But it's more than that.  It's how we show our children that we love and care for them.

  

It feels like a basic thing, but Jesus took something so simple, and created a miracle from it. It matters to God - more than we know!

2. Laundry - Hannah, Samuel's Mother

I really love Hannah, and have written about her in the past.  But as I was revisiting her story this verse stood out to me: 1 Samuel 2:18 "In the midst of all this, Samuel, a boy dressed in a priestly linen tunic, served God. Additionally, every year his mother would make him a little robe cut to his size and bring it to him when she and her husband came for the annual sacrifice."

I had never really noticed this before.  I don't recall anywhere else in the Bible where someone sewing a robe made the final cut.  And yet here it is, and it's important enough to be mentioned as part of what molded his character.  In case you are not familiar, in 1 Samuel 1 Hannah is praying and crying in the Tabernacle for God to give her a baby.  She promises to give him to the Lord in return.  Eli the priest finds her, and initially thinks she's drunk, but then realizes what is going on, and tells her God has heard her prayer.  Hannah does in fact become pregnant, nurses and then weans her son (there's the feeding element is again, btw), and then brings him to the tabernacle.  She kept her promise, even though I'm sure it broke her heart.  And although she didn't see him every day, when she came to visit, she always brought him a robe "cut to his size". This indicates precision and forethought.  The wording is so precious.  Clothes and laundry.  Just another thing we moms do, in what seems like a never-ending cycle.  And yet, this act of nurturing was important enough to make it into God's word.  And, by the way, do you know what happened to Hannah in return?  God blessed she and her husband with more children.  Not that they could ever take Samuel's place.  But what a comfort it must've been to not find her arms empty again.  

3. Keeping the Tiny Humans Alive - Jochebed, Moses' Mother

Have you seen those mugs that say, "Today's To Do List: Keep the Tiny Humans Alive"?  I think it's hilarious, because I feel like I'm always saving my kids from themselves.  That's why people child-proof! When they bump their heads, we call the doctor.  When they are determined to jump off the furniture, we explain to them why that's NOT a great idea.  Or at least put a pillow in the landing zone. 

Well, Jochebed had to ACTUALLY keep her tiny human alive.  The Pharaoh was feeling threatened by the Jews, so he had all the baby boys killed (Exodus 1:22).  First she hid him, for 3 months!  (Imagine if he was colicky!) Then, she created an ingenious, waterproof basket, and placed him in the Nile. How her heart must've ached!  But Pharaoh's daughter found him, Moses' sister suggested a wet nurse she knew (their mother), and so Jochebed got to keep her son a little while longer.  Although not portrayed this way in stories like the Prince of Egypt, the language in the Bible suggests that Moses knew who she was, and kept in touch with his biological family - because his clever and loving mama wouldn't give up.

4. Hopes and Dreams - Bathsheba, Solomon's Mother

I've always had a soft spot for Bathsheba.  Yes, she and David had an affair, but I feel like, in that day and age, if the king decides he's going to sleep with you, and your husband is out of town and isn't there to kick his butt, there isn't much room to say no.  Anyway, they have an affair which results in a baby, who sadly dies. (2 Samuel 11-12) Later, David and Bathsheba have another baby - Solomon.  As David is getting old, one of his other sons, Adonijah crowns himself king without his father's blessing or anointing.  Nathan the prophet convinces Bathsheba to go to David, and remind him of his promise to have Solomon as his successor.  So Bathsheba goes before David to plead her son's case. In the end David names Solomon his heir, and Nathan anoints him.  

Somehow, I missed this part of the story, until working on this piece.  It wasn't like nowadays, where you have a family meeting.  Remember how risky it was for Esther to go before the king?  Judging by the tone in this passage (1 King 1), it would seem that we are dealing with a very similar situation.  So, Bathsheba risked it all to make sure that her son got what was rightfully his, and God's plan for his life. 

How many times as mamas do we set our own needs or comforts aside for our kids' dreams?  The countless hours sitting at practice, or late nights studying for tests?  Or pursuing recommendations, proof-reading essays?  

Moms have been doing it since the beginning of time.  And God thought it was important enough to highlight in the story of Bathsheba fighting for her son.

5. Patience and Active Parenting - Mary, Jesus' Mother

Okay, so this mama is definitely not invisible.  But today I want to focus on her parenting, specifically.  Remember the story, of when young Jesus stays behind in Jerusalem, and his parents don't know where he is?  When they finally find him, this is what goes down: (Luke 2:48) "And his mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress.” And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?” And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart."

I always loved that last sentence, it's very poetic.  First off, I'm impressed that it says that she "said" to him.  Had it been me, it would've said she "screeched" at him.  That's the patient part.  So, this is the correction portion.  She doesn't just say, "Oh yay, we found you!"  No, she tells him that he caused his parents great distress.  Jesus responds (which I used to take as Jesus talking back, but I don't think that was the case) saying he was in his Father's house.  They take him home, and it says he was "submissive" to them.  I mean, yeah, he was Jesus, but still.  I think that part is important.  

He was obedient to them, which implies there was something to be obedient ABOUT.  This means there were rules and expectations in their household.  This shows active parenting and involvement on Mary's part. And then that last sentence: his mother treasured up all these things in her heart. This shows that her heart was tuned towards him, which I love.

So, sweet mama plugging through your everyday routine, thinking it doesn't matter, no one cares or notices.  Stories like these in the Bible are made possible because of mothers just like you.  Because of mothers' daily devotion and sacrifice.

So keep on keeping on.  God is noticing, and it matters to Him.  In each of these stories, the common denominator, is that God didn't forget about these mothers, and He hasn't forgotten about you, either.  So, happy Mother's Day! Especially on those days you feel like "just a mom", because every little thing you do matters. To those tiny humans surrounding you, and also to God.

A Life Poured Out

Exhausted.  Overwhelmed.  Defeated.  Worn out.  Spent.  Already ready for tomorrow morning's coffee.  That's how I feel most evenings.

2 weeks ago, when I spent all night on the couch with one very very sick little guy.

People have called this period the "trenches of parenting", the "tough years", and many other names I'm too tired to think of.  I am fully aware that every stage of parenting - and life, have their own struggles.  But there is a special kind of tired when you're in charge of a little-person's eating, health, sleep, fun, emotional well-being, etc.

All I want is to raise a decent human being.  Someone who is kind to those around him, someone I would want to spend time with, and someone who has a personal relationship with Jesus.

And yet, my days are full of snack-making (so many snacks), loads of laundry (I'd rather make another snack), answering non-stop questions, like "is Jupiter hot or cold?", "why is it daytime?", "can I have another snack?", "why is Batman's logo starting to come off?", and "how do construction workers get water into buildings?"

I'm just going to start having him call me "Alexa".

I kiss boo-boos, get him dressed (and then dressed again), take him potty a million times (ooops... get dressed again), read books, try to come up with fun/educational things to do, answer some more questions, and do another load of laundry.  I find myself saying, "be careful", "stop", "sit on your bottom", "are you okay?", "do you need a time-out?" more times than one can count.  As I'm writing this, I can hear the washing machine sound going off.

And by the end of the day, most days, I feel wasted.  I feel like I have wasted my time, energy, talents and brain.  Wasted.  

And then I'm reminded of a sermon I heard.  I couldn't tell you where, when, or who preached it, but it was about the woman who anointed Jesus' feet.  I've heard the story many times, but this time this was the passage that stood out to me:

Mark 14:4 "There were some who said to themselves indignantly, “Why was the ointment wasted like that?"

Mark 14:6,8a,9 "But Jesus said, “Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me... She has done what she could...And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her."

Huh.  Wasted.  Everyone around the woman thought that what she had done was wasteful.  That she had wasted something precious.  Something irreplaceable.  She had spent it on the wrong thing.  She could've used what she had for this, or that.  But she'd wasted it.

But then Jesus stepped in, and with the kind of comfort only His words can bring, he defended her, and said that she did what she could - and that what she had done was beautiful to Him.  Not only that, but He said that her deeds would be spoken of throughout the world, for all the ages.  

What others saw as waste, Jesus saw as treasure.  What others saw as stupid female hysteria, Jesus saw as sacrifice.  What others saw as disdainful, Jesus saw as beautiful.  

Because it came from her heart, and it came at a precious price for her.  She was giving up something of immeasurable worth, to show someone how much He meant to her.  

And that wasn't a waste.

So now, back to my world.

This story doesn't make me less tired or worn out.  It doesn't "magically" keep snacks on my kid's plate, or help potty train.  It doesn't get rid of the mountain of laundry.

But it does give me the ability to change my perspective.  I am sowing seeds I don't even know that I am sowing.  Sometimes I listen to Aidan play, and I'll hear something that gives me a glimmer of what all my hard work is doing.  Or I'll knock something over, and say "oh, sorry", and he'll reply "it's okay mommy, we all make mistakes".  Or if I tell him I'm not feeling well, and he says, "I can pray for you!"

Even the small things, like picking up his toys, or taking his own clothes off, and putting them in the hamper.  Or sitting on the potty swinging his legs, singing "I like you, I like you, I like you, just the way you are."  Or letting him help me with the laundry - the sorting, putting it in the machine, pushing the button.  Watching him peel his own orange.  Listening to him pray before his meal.  Or retelling what his class learned about in Sunday school, or asking me questions during our Bible story time.  Remembering his letters, counting to 19 - in two languages now! 

 All of these things matter.

And these are the results of my "wasted" time.  Because it's not wasted time (well, most of it).  It's time that I am investing in a little life that I love a hundred times more than my own.

No clue where to look...

This post isn't about neglecting self-care, or giving into mom-guilt.  I'm not saying this to humble-brag, or to tell you that I whistle while I work, and have woodland creatures help me around the house.  I'm not saying you need to buck up, and enjoy every minute of parenting.  I am not saying you can't feel like running away from your kids.  (What???  I know you don't feel like that.  Just kidding.)  I do have a wonderful husband who does just as much, if not more than I do, I have hobbies, and ways to decompress - I'm not trying to make my life sound harder than it is.  But it IS exhausting, and it's okay to say that out loud.  Sometimes it feels never-ending, and I feel like what I do doesn't matter.  

So this is a reminder in those low and tired moments, that our lives are not wasted, they are given in sacrifice, in love and devotion...

And it's a beautiful thing.

Dancing to Ol' Blue Eyes. 

Strong Like Mom

I come from a line of strong women; all in their own way.  I have a great-grandmother who was a nurse, a Gran who was a teacher, and raised 3 boys, a Grandma who raised a family on a farm, an "adopted" Grandma (Mary), who lost her mother and oldest sister to war, raised her siblings, was a career woman, and had to hide under a set of stairs during the Hungarian 1956 revolution.

And then there is my mom, who has had every reason - loss, death, cancer, illnesses - to let bitterness set in, and yet is full of life and joy.

Strong like mom.

A few months ago, Target caused a buzz, because their exclusive line Cat and Jack introduced this T-shirt that had "Strong Like Mom" written on it.  The initial shirt was for boys, then they also came out with one for girls.  The reason this is such a big deal, is because moms aren't usually portrayed as strong, especially not in reference to their sons.  I love the trend of portraying women in more strong roles (cue Wonder Woman)!

As soon as I saw this shirt, I knew I wanted one for Aidan.

If he's wearing this shirt, whenever I ask him what it says, he shouts "Strong Like Mom!"  (He has even been known to say, "Strong like mom, pee like dad!", LOL!!)

At first I wondered if it was maybe a little vain of me to get him the shirt in the first place.  Or if I really am strong.

I have fears and anxieties.  Am I really strong?

Remember my mom, the strongest woman I know?  She can't swim.  Scared of swimming pools, actually.  But do you know what?  When we were kids, she would get in the pool with us, and although we all knew it wasn't her favorite thing, none of us knew the extent of that fear until years later.

Being a mom makes you strong.  You have a reason to be strong.  Someone to be strong for.

So, yesterday, when I had to fly alone with Aidan, then drive home - as it turns out in the rain - basically everything that unnerves me, I had Aidan wear his "Strong Like Mom" shirt.  Mostly as a reminder to myself.

Being strong doesn't mean you don't have fears.  It means that you are willing to overcome them.  I'm going to go one step further.  I think it is important for our kids to know that there are things we fear, or are uncomfortable with, BUT that we are willing to face them.

During one of our airport potty breaks, my sweet, squirmy boy looked at me and said, "mommy, you're my hero", without any prompting.  I could soar!!!  I never ever want to forget that moment.  He will probably never know how much his little 3-year-old self encouraged me.

So yesterday, I felt STRONG!  I felt like I could conquer anything, and I did!  We had a wonderful trip, and I drove in the rain like a boss.

My favorite verse last year was Joshua 1:9, and Aidan knows it by heart: "Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God is with you, wherever you go."

I am strong, and it's not vain to say it.  I am strong because God makes me strong, and because my son needs me to be.  I am strong.