A Life Poured Out

Exhausted.  Overwhelmed.  Defeated.  Worn out.  Spent.  Already ready for tomorrow morning's coffee.  That's how I feel most evenings.

2 weeks ago, when I spent all night on the couch with one very very sick little guy.

People have called this period the "trenches of parenting", the "tough years", and many other names I'm too tired to think of.  I am fully aware that every stage of parenting - and life, have their own struggles.  But there is a special kind of tired when you're in charge of a little-person's eating, health, sleep, fun, emotional well-being, etc.

All I want is to raise a decent human being.  Someone who is kind to those around him, someone I would want to spend time with, and someone who has a personal relationship with Jesus.

And yet, my days are full of snack-making (so many snacks), loads of laundry (I'd rather make another snack), answering non-stop questions, like "is Jupiter hot or cold?", "why is it daytime?", "can I have another snack?", "why is Batman's logo starting to come off?", and "how do construction workers get water into buildings?"

I'm just going to start having him call me "Alexa".

I kiss boo-boos, get him dressed (and then dressed again), take him potty a million times (ooops... get dressed again), read books, try to come up with fun/educational things to do, answer some more questions, and do another load of laundry.  I find myself saying, "be careful", "stop", "sit on your bottom", "are you okay?", "do you need a time-out?" more times than one can count.  As I'm writing this, I can hear the washing machine sound going off.

And by the end of the day, most days, I feel wasted.  I feel like I have wasted my time, energy, talents and brain.  Wasted.  

And then I'm reminded of a sermon I heard.  I couldn't tell you where, when, or who preached it, but it was about the woman who anointed Jesus' feet.  I've heard the story many times, but this time this was the passage that stood out to me:

Mark 14:4 "There were some who said to themselves indignantly, “Why was the ointment wasted like that?"

Mark 14:6,8a,9 "But Jesus said, “Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me... She has done what she could...And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her."

Huh.  Wasted.  Everyone around the woman thought that what she had done was wasteful.  That she had wasted something precious.  Something irreplaceable.  She had spent it on the wrong thing.  She could've used what she had for this, or that.  But she'd wasted it.

But then Jesus stepped in, and with the kind of comfort only His words can bring, he defended her, and said that she did what she could - and that what she had done was beautiful to Him.  Not only that, but He said that her deeds would be spoken of throughout the world, for all the ages.  

What others saw as waste, Jesus saw as treasure.  What others saw as stupid female hysteria, Jesus saw as sacrifice.  What others saw as disdainful, Jesus saw as beautiful.  

Because it came from her heart, and it came at a precious price for her.  She was giving up something of immeasurable worth, to show someone how much He meant to her.  

And that wasn't a waste.

So now, back to my world.

This story doesn't make me less tired or worn out.  It doesn't "magically" keep snacks on my kid's plate, or help potty train.  It doesn't get rid of the mountain of laundry.

But it does give me the ability to change my perspective.  I am sowing seeds I don't even know that I am sowing.  Sometimes I listen to Aidan play, and I'll hear something that gives me a glimmer of what all my hard work is doing.  Or I'll knock something over, and say "oh, sorry", and he'll reply "it's okay mommy, we all make mistakes".  Or if I tell him I'm not feeling well, and he says, "I can pray for you!"

Even the small things, like picking up his toys, or taking his own clothes off, and putting them in the hamper.  Or sitting on the potty swinging his legs, singing "I like you, I like you, I like you, just the way you are."  Or letting him help me with the laundry - the sorting, putting it in the machine, pushing the button.  Watching him peel his own orange.  Listening to him pray before his meal.  Or retelling what his class learned about in Sunday school, or asking me questions during our Bible story time.  Remembering his letters, counting to 19 - in two languages now! 

 All of these things matter.

And these are the results of my "wasted" time.  Because it's not wasted time (well, most of it).  It's time that I am investing in a little life that I love a hundred times more than my own.

No clue where to look...

This post isn't about neglecting self-care, or giving into mom-guilt.  I'm not saying this to humble-brag, or to tell you that I whistle while I work, and have woodland creatures help me around the house.  I'm not saying you need to buck up, and enjoy every minute of parenting.  I am not saying you can't feel like running away from your kids.  (What???  I know you don't feel like that.  Just kidding.)  I do have a wonderful husband who does just as much, if not more than I do, I have hobbies, and ways to decompress - I'm not trying to make my life sound harder than it is.  But it IS exhausting, and it's okay to say that out loud.  Sometimes it feels never-ending, and I feel like what I do doesn't matter.  

So this is a reminder in those low and tired moments, that our lives are not wasted, they are given in sacrifice, in love and devotion...

And it's a beautiful thing.

Dancing to Ol' Blue Eyes. 

Working Through The Grumpiness - Learning WITH Your Toddler

Grumpiness.  

The lazy emotion we get onto our kids about.
And yet, I find myself falling into it with greater ease than I would like to admit.  So, what can be done when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed, we've had a lousy day, spilled our coffee, the kids are whining, and your initial instinct is to lash out at the closest person near you?
Not surprisingly, the same things we tell our students/kids work for us too.  We just have to have the self-awareness to recognize our own need for them.  We all have bad days.  What's important is learning how to overcome them, and not let it define who we are.  Aidan being a toddler, gets grumpy on a regular basis.  Through helping him gain the tools to deal with his grumpiness in a constructive way, I've also been reminded of how important it is for us, adults to practice disciple in this area as well.  So, these tips are for you, and the little person in your life.

1. Find An Outlet

Find a healthy way to express your negative emotions, and channel it into something physical.  Some things we've tried (and by we, I really mean "we") are:

a) Going outside and throwing oranges - our house has an orange tree in the back, and like with any fruit tree, some fall off the tree before they're ripe.  We have been known to use them for our grumpiness-remedy!

 

b) Going for a tricycle ride - Aidan got a tricycle for Christmas from some friends, and he LOVES it!  We both came home the other day in REALLY BAD moods.  So, I suggested we take that thing out, and give it whirl.  His feet don't quite touch the pedals, which actually worked out perfectly.  I sat on the back, and pushed him along.  It was a great work-out, and the fresh air did us wonders!

 

Whatever you find around you to do, we've found that having it involve actual physical exertion seems to help.

2. Take a minute

Sometimes, we need to just take a minute, remove ourselves from the situation, and breathe.  All on his own, the other day Aidan started going into his room when we get home, shutting the door, and being very, very quiet.  This was new, and out of the ordinary, so I went to check on him, and he said, "no mama, my door!  My room!"  So I turned his baby monitor camera to where he was sitting, told him I love him, and that it's okay to need some space sometimes, and left him alone.  This was so foreign to me, but he has always been a good self-soother, and I thought this might be an extension of that.  I also came to the realization, that he has to be "on" all day, from 8 am to usually 5 pm, he is forced to share, vie for his teacher's attention, follow classroom directions, etc.  I know how tired I am by the end of the day, and can't even IMAGINE how tired my little nearly-two-year old boy is.  So, I've been letting him go to his room in the afternoons for a while.  After about 10 minutes, he sweetly says, "Mommy!  Com'ere!", and I join him, sit on the floor, and join in what he is doing.

 

(Note the same outfit as the last post.  Yeah, it was a rough day.  Also, that is an "Anger" Tsum Tsum from Inside Out.  Not accidental.)

3. Be Goofy

When you're in the middle of feeling sorry for yourself, and letting it all "hang out", to the outsider, there really is an element of humor.  It's not usually as bad as it seems.  In moments like this, it's important to take a step back, and let your "Goofball Island" out.

4. Take A Bath

I don't know what it is about people and bath time, but it doesn't seem to matter what your age is, a bath is always a good idea.  So, when grumpy Gus gets to be too much for this mama, I shout, "BATH TIME!"  You've never seen a little boy try to get out of his clothes so fast! Of course, then there's the tears when you turn the water off, or he can't find his favorite toys, or he keeps telling the mama turtle that the babies are "my babies", and she's "not nice", because she "won't share", but at least he's contained!  I find for myself too, that taking an extra 20-30 minutes at the end of the day to relax really helps me sleep and wake up in a better mood the next day.

          

5. Mamas, Take Some Time For Yourself

If you're grumpy, it'll inevitably trickle down to your kids.  I find this in my classroom, as well as at home.  I decided that I needed to make a change, and for me that was asking for a Journaling Bible for my birthday.  Honestly, I've always struggled with making time to read God's Word, but I feel like I've found something that will help me (not that God's Word needs help to be interesting -it's a self-discipline issue).  I've been making an effort to honestly meditate on a couple verses at a time, and instead of hurrying through a certain passage, take my time, and let it seep into my heart.  This way I'm reminded of a specific thought throughout the day.

I can only pour into Aidan if I am not running on empty.  I can't teach him to love the Word of God, if I don't.  He has a Storybook Bible that he loves to read together.  He knows some of the story titles, and says, "Jesus" and "cross", which makes this mama's heart very happy!

I know I'm not saying anything new, or monumental, but sometimes it's good to be reminded that being grumpy is a choice, although we don't like to admit it.  And in the same way we try to give our children to tools to cope with them, we should also take on the responsibility of doing so ourselves.