A Father's Lavish Love

One of the sorrows of my adult life, has been the inability to find the Anne of Green Gables movies on digital download.  Just recently I found them on Gazebo TV.  They have an Apple TV app, which is great!  They're still in beta phase, so it's a little clunky (you have to purchase them on the website, and type in a code in the app), but nonetheless, there they are, and my life is complete.

Jocie (my three-month-old) and I were holding hands on the couch, watching Anne of Green Gables, and it was one of the sweetest moments of my life, one that I've been dreaming of.  And then, we got to one of my favorite parts of the story - books included.

If you're unfamiliar with the story, Anne is an orphan girl with a wild imagination, who is taken in by a brother and sister - Matthew and Marilla.  Marilla is stern and fair, yet loving in her own way.  She doesn't always understand Anne's fanciful ways, and gets frustrated when Anne gets herself into scrapes.  She grows in patience and understanding towards Anne, and is as proud of her as any mom could be.  

Matthew though... Matthew is a man of very few words.  He is a simple man, who never married.  He is a hard-working farmer, with no frills in his life.  Enter Anne.  Anne captivates his heart from the very first moment.  She is the love and joy his life was missing.  And he is the calm and steadfast love she needs.

In the story, there is a party that Anne is invited to.  She desperately wants a dress with puffed sleeves, but sensible Marilla will have none of that nonsense.  Matthew goes into town and buys the frilliest, puffiest sleeved dress - probably the most frivolous purchase he's ever made.  When Anne sees it, she can't contain her joy, and his eyes are the happiest we've seen them.  

It was the gesture of a father's lavish love.

Another one of my favorite stories within a story is one from Little House on the Prairie.  Laura is attending school, where all of the little girls have sparkling metal little lunch pails to take to school.  They are the repurposed bucket the lard comes in at the general store.  The Ingalls have no need to buy lard, they have their own.  But Pa buys a bucket of it anyway (a huge expense for a pioneer family), so that his little girl can have her heart's desire.  Lavish love.

When I was 12, there were these shoes I wanted more than anything!!  They were turquoise fake snakeskin platform sandals - basically the tackiest, ugliest shoe - but they were just THE COOLEST, and I wanted them desperately!  We had just gone back-to-school shoe shopping with my mom, and I had already bought what fit into the budget.  

When we got home I couldn't stop thinking about, or talking about the shoes.  A couple days later when I came home from school, my dad sat me down on the couch, and said he had a surprise for me.  He reached behind the cushion and pulled out a shoe box.  

Inside, there were the sandals!! 

That was probably the single most wonderful gift of my preteen years - maybe more!  I was so excited, and wore them everywhere!  They were gaudy, bright and obnoxious - but they were beautiful as far as I was considered, and they were the only thing my heart wanted!  And my daddy got them for me.  This is the same man who stopped at a Walmart on the way to an itineration Sunday morning service because one of my glue-on nails had fallen off, and I needed a replacement.  (13 year-old Abigail had disastrous style.)  And the man who found the prettiest birthday cake every year.   

Lavish love.

Now, I'm not saying that dads need to always get their children everything that they want.  In fact, if they do that, the specialness of it is lost.  But it's these grand gestures of generosity and love that stand out in my childhood.  It's not about the money spent.  It's about the thought put into it, and the fact that they didn't "have" to do any of it.  It's the fact that, if it's important to me, it's important to him.

And that's the kind of lavish love our Heavenly Father has for us!  He cares about the things that matter to us.  

Matthew 7:9-11 says,

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

God desires to give us good gifts.  Not in a prosperity Gospel kind of way (big house, fancy car), but in a deep-desires-of-our-heart way.  God's love is lavish - He literally sent His only son to die and rise again, so that He could have a relationship with us.

I think God gives us dreams, and He finds pleasure in us pursuing them.  1 John 5:14 says, 

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us."

The God of the universe hears you, and wants to give you good gifts.  So, take your deepest-held desires, and give them to Him in confidence.

And to any daddies reading this - don't be afraid to make a big gesture!  If your kid has been talking about something, surprise them by spending time together doing it, or making it happen.  You don't have to spend money, that's not the point.  Children want to be heard, and feel like they matter.  Because they do.

Does God Really Want You To Win... Or Learn?

I have recently started Bible Journaling, and as I was searching for some ideas and inspiration on pinterest, I came across one that said "God Wants You To Win!"  And it got me thinking.  This person was more than likely dealing with something specific, and could have ABSOLUTELY gotten confirmation from God that He would help them be victorious.

But.  Does God really always want us to win?

God speaks to me through mommy-moments, and yesterday my friend and I took Aidan to the park to play.  Now, I neither hover (usually Dan has that covered), nor do I ignore Aidan at the playground.  I sit at a distance where I can see him, and he can see me.  If he were to need my help, I can be there fast enough, but I feel like I've given him enough space to spread his wings.  I don't help him get up to places he couldn't get down from on his own - I want to see what he can learn without my intervention.

Today, he was climbing up a knobby thing to get to the slide.  It was new, and it was a little big, but he was doing a great job.  All of a sudden his foot slipped, and slid down a couple knobs.  He looked at me, a little worried, and I told him "you're doing great!  Try again, you can do it!"  He looked determined, and put his foot back up, found a secure-feeling spot, and pulled himself up.  When he got to the top, he said, "I did it!"  And of course, being his cheerleader, I told him how proud I was of him trying so hard.

So.  Did he win?  Eventually yes.

Would it have helped him for me to intervene when it got hard?  No.  Because the next time he would try to climb up it, he would think he needed my help, and wouldn't try as hard.

By letting him fail, I was allowing him to learn.

Could it be that sometimes when we face difficult times, it's because God is teaching us something we will need later down the road?  If God "lets us win" (like when we play games with kids) all the time, we aren't learning vital skills.

Does God want us to be victorious?  Yes.  But it's not that easy.  We become victorious when we trust God that he has our best interest in mind.  Not when we are always "winning".

So, if you are in the middle of the battle, and you're wondering where God is: He is watching you, He hasn't taken his eyes off you, and He is saying, "I'm right here, you can do it!  Try again."  Because the battle has already been won - therein lies our victory.

Working Through The Grumpiness - Learning WITH Your Toddler

Grumpiness.  

The lazy emotion we get onto our kids about.
And yet, I find myself falling into it with greater ease than I would like to admit.  So, what can be done when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed, we've had a lousy day, spilled our coffee, the kids are whining, and your initial instinct is to lash out at the closest person near you?
Not surprisingly, the same things we tell our students/kids work for us too.  We just have to have the self-awareness to recognize our own need for them.  We all have bad days.  What's important is learning how to overcome them, and not let it define who we are.  Aidan being a toddler, gets grumpy on a regular basis.  Through helping him gain the tools to deal with his grumpiness in a constructive way, I've also been reminded of how important it is for us, adults to practice disciple in this area as well.  So, these tips are for you, and the little person in your life.

1. Find An Outlet

Find a healthy way to express your negative emotions, and channel it into something physical.  Some things we've tried (and by we, I really mean "we") are:

a) Going outside and throwing oranges - our house has an orange tree in the back, and like with any fruit tree, some fall off the tree before they're ripe.  We have been known to use them for our grumpiness-remedy!

 

b) Going for a tricycle ride - Aidan got a tricycle for Christmas from some friends, and he LOVES it!  We both came home the other day in REALLY BAD moods.  So, I suggested we take that thing out, and give it whirl.  His feet don't quite touch the pedals, which actually worked out perfectly.  I sat on the back, and pushed him along.  It was a great work-out, and the fresh air did us wonders!

 

Whatever you find around you to do, we've found that having it involve actual physical exertion seems to help.

2. Take a minute

Sometimes, we need to just take a minute, remove ourselves from the situation, and breathe.  All on his own, the other day Aidan started going into his room when we get home, shutting the door, and being very, very quiet.  This was new, and out of the ordinary, so I went to check on him, and he said, "no mama, my door!  My room!"  So I turned his baby monitor camera to where he was sitting, told him I love him, and that it's okay to need some space sometimes, and left him alone.  This was so foreign to me, but he has always been a good self-soother, and I thought this might be an extension of that.  I also came to the realization, that he has to be "on" all day, from 8 am to usually 5 pm, he is forced to share, vie for his teacher's attention, follow classroom directions, etc.  I know how tired I am by the end of the day, and can't even IMAGINE how tired my little nearly-two-year old boy is.  So, I've been letting him go to his room in the afternoons for a while.  After about 10 minutes, he sweetly says, "Mommy!  Com'ere!", and I join him, sit on the floor, and join in what he is doing.

 

(Note the same outfit as the last post.  Yeah, it was a rough day.  Also, that is an "Anger" Tsum Tsum from Inside Out.  Not accidental.)

3. Be Goofy

When you're in the middle of feeling sorry for yourself, and letting it all "hang out", to the outsider, there really is an element of humor.  It's not usually as bad as it seems.  In moments like this, it's important to take a step back, and let your "Goofball Island" out.

4. Take A Bath

I don't know what it is about people and bath time, but it doesn't seem to matter what your age is, a bath is always a good idea.  So, when grumpy Gus gets to be too much for this mama, I shout, "BATH TIME!"  You've never seen a little boy try to get out of his clothes so fast! Of course, then there's the tears when you turn the water off, or he can't find his favorite toys, or he keeps telling the mama turtle that the babies are "my babies", and she's "not nice", because she "won't share", but at least he's contained!  I find for myself too, that taking an extra 20-30 minutes at the end of the day to relax really helps me sleep and wake up in a better mood the next day.

          

5. Mamas, Take Some Time For Yourself

If you're grumpy, it'll inevitably trickle down to your kids.  I find this in my classroom, as well as at home.  I decided that I needed to make a change, and for me that was asking for a Journaling Bible for my birthday.  Honestly, I've always struggled with making time to read God's Word, but I feel like I've found something that will help me (not that God's Word needs help to be interesting -it's a self-discipline issue).  I've been making an effort to honestly meditate on a couple verses at a time, and instead of hurrying through a certain passage, take my time, and let it seep into my heart.  This way I'm reminded of a specific thought throughout the day.

I can only pour into Aidan if I am not running on empty.  I can't teach him to love the Word of God, if I don't.  He has a Storybook Bible that he loves to read together.  He knows some of the story titles, and says, "Jesus" and "cross", which makes this mama's heart very happy!

I know I'm not saying anything new, or monumental, but sometimes it's good to be reminded that being grumpy is a choice, although we don't like to admit it.  And in the same way we try to give our children to tools to cope with them, we should also take on the responsibility of doing so ourselves.

3 Things I've Learned About The Nature of God Since Becoming a Mama

There are Mommy blogs out the wazoo.  All over the Internet.  There are suggestions on how to sleep-train, how to help a strong-willed child learn boundaries, meal ideas, etc.  I read enough of them, to know that some of them are helpful, some not so much, but regardless, the internet is full of them.

This is not a how-to.  This is not a step-by-step instructional.  This is the lamentation of someone who found a new love and understanding of her Heavenly Father, through the insurmountable blessing that is her sweet baby boy.

I gave my life to Christ when I was 3 years old.  Although I've made mistakes, and we all do, I have had a close relationship with Him for as long as I can remember.  I talk to Him about my day, thank Him for the little things (like the sweet smell of Aidan's head after a bath, his little gapped toothed smile, and his chubby hands), and am frequently moved to tears when I think about all His goodness.  Just like with any longterm relationship, even when you love a person, it may seem sometimes that you know most everything about them.  Not that you're bored, but you find yourself in a comfortable place, not really expecting to be surprised.

And then, in the middle of a battle of wills with a little blonde despot, God reveals himself in a new way.  And my eyes are opened, and I am surrounded by a fresh adoration and sense of wonder.

These are the 3 things I've learned about the nature of God since becoming a Mama.

1. The Cracker

Aidan is a very verbal little boy (wonder where he got that from?!).  He tells me "snack" when he's hungry, "all done" when he's done, "please" and "thank you", and of course the toddler war cry, "NO"! One day, Aidan came to me, and said "snack".  I gave him a cracker, which he happily munched on, until he dropped it, which would've been no big deal (we live by the 5 second rule at our house), but it was already soggy, and then he stepped on it.  I decided to give him a new cracker.  He was holding a toy in one hand - which of course he would not let go of, and the soggy, broken cracker in the other.  I asked him to give me the "yucky" cracker, so I could give him the nice, whole cracker.  He said, "no". I asked him again.  This time he said "NO".  I tried prying it out of his little hand, knowing that the whole cracker would be yummier, if he would just let go of the first cracker.  However, he is a determined little boy, and held on with all his might.  

This is when God reminded me that his plans are better than mine.  Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God holds out amazing plans for us, but sometimes we are holding on to our own ideas so tightly, that we refuse to let go, and take from God what He so desires us to have - because He KNOWS it's better. Just like I knew the clean, whole cracker would be better.  He does not force them on us, and if we protest enough, He lets us have our way.  But He would rather we let him have our ratty things, and open our hands to His blessings.

2. The Mother's Day Card 

For Mother's Day this year, I helped Aidan make cards for his grandmothers, as well as one for myself.  While holding his hand making little handprint bouquets, it occurred to me that Aidan needed my help - even to make something for me!  Which lead me to the thought, that we are very similar to a toddler in that aspect.  Even when we do things for God (go into ministry, go on a missions trip, give our tithes and offering...), we still need His blessings and help along the way.  We can't dedicate our lives to God's service if He doesn't give us the grace to wake up in the morning.  We can't give our tithes and offering without the job God gave us first, which provides the funds.  1 Samuel 12:24 touches on this.  "But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you."  It is because of the great things that God has done for us, that we can then do things for the glory of God.

3. The Free "I Love You"

I can't be the only mama in the world, who was dreaming of the day her little nugget would look at her and say "I love you".  So, from the minute he started talking, I would try to coax an "I love you" out of him.  FINALLY, the day came.  I said "I love you", and he said "I you"!  I didn't know I could feel such joy!  Imagine my emotional state, when the next day as we're playing, Aidan comes up to me, gives my knee a kiss, and says "I you"!  I could've flown!  And in that moment, I understood why God gave us free will.  It feels so much better to receive a "free I love you", rather than a "coaxed I love you".  As our Heavenly Father, God wants us to want Him.  He wants us to WANT to spend time with Him, to choose Him over all others - just like we mamas want our babies to love us.  Not because they have to, but because they want to.

Romans 8:38-39 puts it so passionately.  "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is Christ Jesus our Lord."  That kind of love deserves to be loved back.  And to be loved freely, just as freely as it is given.

I thank God for blessing us with Aidan.  Not only because he brings so much joy to our family, or because he is so sweet-natured.  I thank Him because it has brought me closer to God, has made our relationship deeper, and made me want to serve God even more faithfully than before.

Becoming a Mother of Prayer

(Please understand, I am not trying to be insensitive to someone who has had troubled pregnancies, or has gone through the pain of a miscarriage.  I can’t imagine the hurt and heartache you must’ve gone through, and I am so sorry for your loss.  I am not trying to give an explanation on why God allows certain things in our lives.  I am simply doing some research on prayer through motherhood, and applying it to my situation, and hoping it might help someone else along the way too.)

Something like this is so hard to start, so I’m just going to jump right in.

When we first found out about being pregnant, we did so, because I was in excruciating pain, and we’d just started trying, and we wanted to make sure I wasn’t taking any medication that could potentially hurt a baby.  Well, as it turned out, I was pregnant!  I chalked up my pain to the pregnancy, because I’d never been pregnant before, I’d never had these pains before - ergo, that must be why.

The pain didn’t go away however, in fact it got worse.  The only thing that would help was laying in the bathtub under a warm shower, until it passed, which was anywhere between 20-90 minutes.  I so wanted the pain to go away, but I was willing to endure it, for the baby.  When you’re pregnant, and emotional, you worry about things that don’t even make sense- like wishing the baby away.  So, one day, I was laying in the bathtub, crying from pain, whispering “baby stay, pain go, baby stay, pain go”.  I felt a sense of peace, and warm, comforting words filled my heart, “I have not given, only to take away”.  I cannot tell you what those words meant to me!  

In the end, we had to go to the E.R. (we were worried about a possible tubal pregnancy).  They said everything with the fetus was okay, but I had a bad UTI, that was causing all that pain.  I finally got the right kind of medicine, and slowly but surely, the pain went away.  But that promise, that hug from my Heavenly Father stayed with me, and got me thinking about how I wanted His voice to be a constant during this pregnancy, and into my baby’s life.  About how I wanted to be a mother of prayer.

I started thinking about mothers in the Bible.  (This is a side-note, and not what I’m focusing on today, but I think it’s so interesting, how prominent infertility, and the promise of a baby is in the Bible.  Check it out, it’s really powerful.  Sarah, Hannah, Samson’s mother...)   I decided to take a closer look at Samuel’s mother, Hannah.  I’ve always found her very interesting, and of course knew the basics of her story.

 1. Hannah prayed before she became pregnant.  

In her case, it was because of infertility.  If you look at 1 Samuel 1, you will see the picture of a woman, who is deeply beloved by her husband, in spite of her infertility (which basically would’ve made her of “no value” to most other men).  She is one of two wives (something I don’t have to deal with, haha).  The other wife has given their husband many children, and openly taunts her with it.  Although this “sister wife” situation is not something we as women deal with today, we can all understand the feelings of inadequacy, and longing.  So Hannah prays.  She prays for the deepest desire of her heart, which is a baby.  

I love this part.  God has a special place for a mother’s prayer.  Eli comes over, thinks she’s drunk, scolds her.  So she tells him about her wanting a baby.  As we know, by this time, God isn’t speaking through Eli anymore.  So, when Eli tells her “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”, he’s not giving her a “thus sayeth the Lord”.  He’s basically saying, “good luck”.  But you know what?  Hannah didn’t need a priest to be a go-between.  God heard her prayer, and like it says in 1 Samuel 1:19, God remembered her.

Dan and I prayed long and hard before we decided to start trying to have a baby.  Were we ready to be parents?  Is “now” a financially responsible time to do this?  (Not “Can we afford this?”, because if you wait for that day, you probably will never get there.  But I always say, God gave you a brain to use it.  If you’re barely able to put food on the table, and are about to get evicted, wisdom says you should probably hold off on adding another person to that mix.)  I don’t think as a Christian you can take any step like this without prayerful consideration.  

2. Hannah prayed before the promise came true

In 1 Samuel 1:19, it also says that Hannah praised the Lord.  Even before the promise came to fruition, she was praising God.  That’s how I felt in that moment I described earlier in the shower.  Although I was feeling worried, and wasn’t sure of anything, God promised me a baby.  He promised me that he wasn’t just toying with my emotions.  

With Sarah, you can see the opposite.  When God and the angels went to visit Abraham, to give him the promise about Isaac, Sarah laughed in disbelief.  Instead of believing God, and praising him for the promise, she didn’t have faith.

It’s hard to have faith without any evidence, but at that point it’s not faith anymore.  However, when we do have faith, and we see God’s promise fold out, what a testimony that is to others, and to ourselves later on!  When something arises that we need faith to believe, we can look back at this time, and know that God brought us through, and that he will do the same again.  It’s like in Mark 9:24, “I do believe; help me in my unbelief.”

3. Hannah dedicated Samuel to God

Hannah didn’t only accept God’s gift of a son, she gave him back to God.  In this story, it is a tangible, physical “giving back” of Samuel, where he moves into the tabernacle, and essentially is raised by Eli.  However, in our situation, it is a much more spiritual, emotional, yet just as real situation.  Just like it says in Deut. 11:19, “Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”  We need to remember, our children are not only ours.  As followers of Christ, how can we accept a priceless gift, such as a child, and simply leave it at that!?  It is our duty to take that gift, and raise our baby in the knowledge of God. 

4. Hannah prayed after Samuel was born

There’s a whole section in 1 Samuel 2, that is dedicated to her prayer.  It’s so beautiful, I’m just going to let you read it.

Hannah’s Prayer

2 Then Hannah prayed and said:

“My heart rejoices in the Lord;
    in the Lord my horn is lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
    for I delight in your deliverance.

2 

“There is no one holy like the Lord;
    there is no one besides you;
    there is no Rock like our God.

3 

“Do not keep talking so proudly
    or let your mouth speak such arrogance,
for the Lord is a God who knows,
    and by him deeds are weighed.

4 

“The bows of the warriors are broken,
    but those who stumbled are armed with strength.

5 

Those who were full hire themselves out for food,
    but those who were hungry are hungry no more.
She who was barren has borne seven children,
    but she who has had many sons pines away.

6 

“The Lord brings death and makes alive;
    he brings down to the grave and raises up.

7 

The Lord sends poverty and wealth;
    he humbles and he exalts.

8 

He raises the poor from the dust
    and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes
    and has them inherit a throne of honor.

“For the foundations of the earth are the Lord’s;
    on them he has set the world.

9 

He will guard the feet of his faithful servants,
    but the wicked will be silenced in the place of darkness.

“It is not by strength that one prevails;

10 

    those who oppose the Lord will be broken.
The Most High will thunder from heaven;
    the Lord will judge the ends of the earth.

“He will give strength to his king
    and exalt the horn of his anointed.”

That’s the kind of mother I want to be.  A mother of prayer.  And that’s my prayer for our Baby Boy.