Working Through The Grumpiness - Learning WITH Your Toddler

Grumpiness.  

The lazy emotion we get onto our kids about.
And yet, I find myself falling into it with greater ease than I would like to admit.  So, what can be done when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed, we've had a lousy day, spilled our coffee, the kids are whining, and your initial instinct is to lash out at the closest person near you?
Not surprisingly, the same things we tell our students/kids work for us too.  We just have to have the self-awareness to recognize our own need for them.  We all have bad days.  What's important is learning how to overcome them, and not let it define who we are.  Aidan being a toddler, gets grumpy on a regular basis.  Through helping him gain the tools to deal with his grumpiness in a constructive way, I've also been reminded of how important it is for us, adults to practice disciple in this area as well.  So, these tips are for you, and the little person in your life.

1. Find An Outlet

Find a healthy way to express your negative emotions, and channel it into something physical.  Some things we've tried (and by we, I really mean "we") are:

a) Going outside and throwing oranges - our house has an orange tree in the back, and like with any fruit tree, some fall off the tree before they're ripe.  We have been known to use them for our grumpiness-remedy!

 

b) Going for a tricycle ride - Aidan got a tricycle for Christmas from some friends, and he LOVES it!  We both came home the other day in REALLY BAD moods.  So, I suggested we take that thing out, and give it whirl.  His feet don't quite touch the pedals, which actually worked out perfectly.  I sat on the back, and pushed him along.  It was a great work-out, and the fresh air did us wonders!

 

Whatever you find around you to do, we've found that having it involve actual physical exertion seems to help.

2. Take a minute

Sometimes, we need to just take a minute, remove ourselves from the situation, and breathe.  All on his own, the other day Aidan started going into his room when we get home, shutting the door, and being very, very quiet.  This was new, and out of the ordinary, so I went to check on him, and he said, "no mama, my door!  My room!"  So I turned his baby monitor camera to where he was sitting, told him I love him, and that it's okay to need some space sometimes, and left him alone.  This was so foreign to me, but he has always been a good self-soother, and I thought this might be an extension of that.  I also came to the realization, that he has to be "on" all day, from 8 am to usually 5 pm, he is forced to share, vie for his teacher's attention, follow classroom directions, etc.  I know how tired I am by the end of the day, and can't even IMAGINE how tired my little nearly-two-year old boy is.  So, I've been letting him go to his room in the afternoons for a while.  After about 10 minutes, he sweetly says, "Mommy!  Com'ere!", and I join him, sit on the floor, and join in what he is doing.

 

(Note the same outfit as the last post.  Yeah, it was a rough day.  Also, that is an "Anger" Tsum Tsum from Inside Out.  Not accidental.)

3. Be Goofy

When you're in the middle of feeling sorry for yourself, and letting it all "hang out", to the outsider, there really is an element of humor.  It's not usually as bad as it seems.  In moments like this, it's important to take a step back, and let your "Goofball Island" out.

4. Take A Bath

I don't know what it is about people and bath time, but it doesn't seem to matter what your age is, a bath is always a good idea.  So, when grumpy Gus gets to be too much for this mama, I shout, "BATH TIME!"  You've never seen a little boy try to get out of his clothes so fast! Of course, then there's the tears when you turn the water off, or he can't find his favorite toys, or he keeps telling the mama turtle that the babies are "my babies", and she's "not nice", because she "won't share", but at least he's contained!  I find for myself too, that taking an extra 20-30 minutes at the end of the day to relax really helps me sleep and wake up in a better mood the next day.

          

5. Mamas, Take Some Time For Yourself

If you're grumpy, it'll inevitably trickle down to your kids.  I find this in my classroom, as well as at home.  I decided that I needed to make a change, and for me that was asking for a Journaling Bible for my birthday.  Honestly, I've always struggled with making time to read God's Word, but I feel like I've found something that will help me (not that God's Word needs help to be interesting -it's a self-discipline issue).  I've been making an effort to honestly meditate on a couple verses at a time, and instead of hurrying through a certain passage, take my time, and let it seep into my heart.  This way I'm reminded of a specific thought throughout the day.

I can only pour into Aidan if I am not running on empty.  I can't teach him to love the Word of God, if I don't.  He has a Storybook Bible that he loves to read together.  He knows some of the story titles, and says, "Jesus" and "cross", which makes this mama's heart very happy!

I know I'm not saying anything new, or monumental, but sometimes it's good to be reminded that being grumpy is a choice, although we don't like to admit it.  And in the same way we try to give our children to tools to cope with them, we should also take on the responsibility of doing so ourselves.

3 Things I've Learned About The Nature of God Since Becoming a Mama

There are Mommy blogs out the wazoo.  All over the Internet.  There are suggestions on how to sleep-train, how to help a strong-willed child learn boundaries, meal ideas, etc.  I read enough of them, to know that some of them are helpful, some not so much, but regardless, the internet is full of them.

This is not a how-to.  This is not a step-by-step instructional.  This is the lamentation of someone who found a new love and understanding of her Heavenly Father, through the insurmountable blessing that is her sweet baby boy.

I gave my life to Christ when I was 3 years old.  Although I've made mistakes, and we all do, I have had a close relationship with Him for as long as I can remember.  I talk to Him about my day, thank Him for the little things (like the sweet smell of Aidan's head after a bath, his little gapped toothed smile, and his chubby hands), and am frequently moved to tears when I think about all His goodness.  Just like with any longterm relationship, even when you love a person, it may seem sometimes that you know most everything about them.  Not that you're bored, but you find yourself in a comfortable place, not really expecting to be surprised.

And then, in the middle of a battle of wills with a little blonde despot, God reveals himself in a new way.  And my eyes are opened, and I am surrounded by a fresh adoration and sense of wonder.

These are the 3 things I've learned about the nature of God since becoming a Mama.

1. The Cracker

Aidan is a very verbal little boy (wonder where he got that from?!).  He tells me "snack" when he's hungry, "all done" when he's done, "please" and "thank you", and of course the toddler war cry, "NO"! One day, Aidan came to me, and said "snack".  I gave him a cracker, which he happily munched on, until he dropped it, which would've been no big deal (we live by the 5 second rule at our house), but it was already soggy, and then he stepped on it.  I decided to give him a new cracker.  He was holding a toy in one hand - which of course he would not let go of, and the soggy, broken cracker in the other.  I asked him to give me the "yucky" cracker, so I could give him the nice, whole cracker.  He said, "no". I asked him again.  This time he said "NO".  I tried prying it out of his little hand, knowing that the whole cracker would be yummier, if he would just let go of the first cracker.  However, he is a determined little boy, and held on with all his might.  

This is when God reminded me that his plans are better than mine.  Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God holds out amazing plans for us, but sometimes we are holding on to our own ideas so tightly, that we refuse to let go, and take from God what He so desires us to have - because He KNOWS it's better. Just like I knew the clean, whole cracker would be better.  He does not force them on us, and if we protest enough, He lets us have our way.  But He would rather we let him have our ratty things, and open our hands to His blessings.

2. The Mother's Day Card 

For Mother's Day this year, I helped Aidan make cards for his grandmothers, as well as one for myself.  While holding his hand making little handprint bouquets, it occurred to me that Aidan needed my help - even to make something for me!  Which lead me to the thought, that we are very similar to a toddler in that aspect.  Even when we do things for God (go into ministry, go on a missions trip, give our tithes and offering...), we still need His blessings and help along the way.  We can't dedicate our lives to God's service if He doesn't give us the grace to wake up in the morning.  We can't give our tithes and offering without the job God gave us first, which provides the funds.  1 Samuel 12:24 touches on this.  "But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you."  It is because of the great things that God has done for us, that we can then do things for the glory of God.

3. The Free "I Love You"

I can't be the only mama in the world, who was dreaming of the day her little nugget would look at her and say "I love you".  So, from the minute he started talking, I would try to coax an "I love you" out of him.  FINALLY, the day came.  I said "I love you", and he said "I you"!  I didn't know I could feel such joy!  Imagine my emotional state, when the next day as we're playing, Aidan comes up to me, gives my knee a kiss, and says "I you"!  I could've flown!  And in that moment, I understood why God gave us free will.  It feels so much better to receive a "free I love you", rather than a "coaxed I love you".  As our Heavenly Father, God wants us to want Him.  He wants us to WANT to spend time with Him, to choose Him over all others - just like we mamas want our babies to love us.  Not because they have to, but because they want to.

Romans 8:38-39 puts it so passionately.  "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is Christ Jesus our Lord."  That kind of love deserves to be loved back.  And to be loved freely, just as freely as it is given.

I thank God for blessing us with Aidan.  Not only because he brings so much joy to our family, or because he is so sweet-natured.  I thank Him because it has brought me closer to God, has made our relationship deeper, and made me want to serve God even more faithfully than before.